Three Plus One


I am thankful for what I have in this world.

I have an amazingly supportive family, a small but fiercely loyal group of friends and a wonderful husband and daughter. I have a home, and a job that I like. I have food to eat, a place to rest my head and a garden that brings me peace and solace when my heart is heavy.


What I am struggling with now, is how to reconcile that thankfulness with wanting more. I thought this would be easier. It was so easy with Lily. And today, it seems impossible. I am spending so much time reflecting on what is in my head and in my heart. I feel like I took for granted how simple this was, 6 years ago when we decided to have a family. We decided, and then it happened. Easy then, and so so hard now.

I know that things happen when they are meant to. I can't help but ask "Why?" and "When?"

I don't want to be this sad person.

The big prayer in my heart right now, is just this.

Please.