Another year. I'm 35 today.



A good friend is turning 40 soon, and we both have joked that we can't possibly be 35 and 40, so we have decided to turn 30 and 35 instead. I have to say that years 30-35 were much better than 20-25.


My brother and I were talking about parenting. I was telling him how I couldn't imagine being a parent in my 20's. When you are in your 20's, you still have a lot of life lessons to learn, and are still discovering who you are. At 30 (something!) you have a good sense of who you are and where you are going. Life is much calmer in this decade -you tend to worry less about what others think of you, instead focusing on what you think of yourself.

Craig summed it up well when he said you can't measure your life by what you didn't do in the past, but by what you want to do now and what you will do in the future. I like that philosophy. Your past shapes you, but it doesn't define you.

Craig and I were lucky enough to have our mom at home when we were growing up. She worked part time afternoons, which meant that she there for us when we came home for lunch. On the afternoons she worked, we hung out next door until dad came home. It was the best. Mom didn't go back full-time until we were both in junior high school, and when she did, she asked us first. Moms always put kids and family first. That's our job.

My life took a left turn when Lily came along. Kids really do change your life. I thought that I would go back to work full time after a year. As my year progressed, I knew that I couldn't do it. She will only be little for a short time; I can't take back that time. I can always go back to work. Looking back at life, no one says they wish they had worked more. It's always about time with loved ones. If you ask someone if they could have whatever they wanted, just for a day, the answer usually involves time with a loved one. So my gift to Lily is my time.

Mom, I know that 35 years ago, you were wondering what would become of that little bundle in your arms. Well, she grew up with one of the best role models a girl could ask for. I can only hope I do as good a job with my little girl. I love you.

My front yard is no longer bare.

This is the before...

It was a bright, beautiful fall day today. (Yes, it's finally fall) Dad took Lily and me out to Millcreek Nursery to pick out her birthday tree. I had my heart set on a birch after this happened, but my dad talked me out of it. I didn't know what I would choose, instead, I let it choose me.











So off to the nursery we went. I found a really neat tree called a Snowbird Hawthorne that will be just perfect. It's going in the front yard, to fill in the space left by the lost lamented birch next door. We planted it in between a dogwood shrub and a nine bark - these courtesy of the 75% off sale at Home Depot this weekend. (I managed to fit 2 dogwoods, 2 nine barks, 2 pee gee hydrangeas, 2 elderberries and 8 pots of blue oat grass in the trunk of the Focus)

Helping Grumpa load the truck.

Lily inspecting the leaves.

Come spring, we are continuing with Bryan's favorite project - The Lawn Eradication Plan. He would prefer to use poison or a blowtorch. Anything to avoid mowing the lawn. Instead, we are being a touch more civilised and will be creating a flowerbed around the tree and shrubs we planted today. More flowers = less lawn. I can't wait to see it in the spring!

That's when you'll get to see the 'after' picture!

You know it's not going to be a good day at work when your computerized till says "Fatal Error" and freezes at the exact moment 5 people line up at your desk.

Remind me again why we are not allowed to drink at work?

Things I overheard myself saying this week...

"Lily, we don't put milk in the satellite receiver."

"Lily, please leave Evan's pants on."

"Molly, please don't eat Lily's snacks."

(Because you can reason with a Labrador Deceiver)

It is such fun being a parent. Someday, I will be a grandparent. That means that I will get to hang out on the bench at Safeway, and wait to ambush unsuspecting young mothers.

Last week I was stopped in Safeway by a little old lady. Seniors love babies, and I usually oblige and let them admire her, answer a few questions and then we go on our way. This little granny had other ideas, and wanted to let me know a few things.

"You know she's going to break your dishes? She will you know, she'll break them."

Followed by:

"Were you good in school? Pretty smart? Well, she's already smarter than you. It's true."

Pow! And then:

"Do you have a husband yet?"

(Yes, of course! ...as I stick my left hand in my pocket - I forgot to put my rings back on after doing some housework. Oops.)

"Good! Is he pretty smart? She's smarter than him too. Kids are always smarter than their parents. They have higher IQ's you know."

We left pretty quickly after that one. She didn't need to know that while I did well in school, my best subject in Grade 11 was what my dad called Mall 101. Let's just say it was a year of testing limits and leave it at that.

I know that I am doing a good job. We all try hard and do what we know best. But that does make me wonder - what on earth made the young mom in WalMart think that a cigarette lighter made a good teether for a baby? Sometimes I just have to shake my head and keep walking.

Dear Mother Nature,

This morning I noticed that there are leaves on my lawn. The Virginia Creeper vines I have been patiently growing to cover my unsightly chain link fence, have turned bright red.

The squirrel has been throwing pine cones down on the roof, and has been hiding said cones in my flower beds.

There will be frost tonight, according to the Environment Canada weather report. A low of -1.

Mother Nature, by the calendar, it's still summer. It isn't fall until after the 23rd of September.

I love the crisp fall air, and the crackle of dusty leaves underfoot. I love the smoky air, and the contrast of the red and yellow leaves against the clear cool blue sky. But not yet.

Let us have our last few glorious days of sunshine and a little heat. Consider it a birthday gift. I would love to be able to sit outside at a cafe on my birthday, sipping a latte while I answer the questions posed by my curious daughter's pointing finger. She will point and listen to my answers, and then wrinkle her nose at me while eating her snacks. She will steal my napkin, and ask for a sip of my latte. She will drop that same napkin, and watch it blow away in the fall breeze, squinting into the sun as we stroll back home.

Fall brings on the next round of family birthdays and anniversaries, and snow follows soon after. Please, let summer linger a bit longer. It's too soon for it to end.

Carrie

Back to school.

It's that time of year again. I just finished completing my online registration for a writing course at the University of Alberta. It will be at the new downtown campus, which is going to be pretty amazing. The bus takes me from door to door, so I don't have to worry about parking.

I have enjoyed blogging, and after some (OK, a lot!) of coaxing by friends and family, I am taking it a step further. I am taking a night class at the Faculty of Extension. What course, you ask?

Introduction to Creative Writing.

I wrote for the school literary magazine when I was in high school - half a lifetime ago. I loved the process of writing a story: weaving plot and character and words together to tell a tale. There is another course I would love to take after this, which is writing Creative Non-Fiction. The introductory course will touch on this, and I am eager to see where the course will take me. I may register for the second course too.

While I love to share my writing with everyone, this course is really just for me. A treat.

I start on the 4th of October, and I can't wait.

And, this means I get to buy school supplies!

I am looking the calendar with a growing sense of sadness. It's September. I have to go back to work. I don't want to.

But we need the income, so I must. Today was my last Saturday as a stay at home mom. I had a hard time talking to Bryan about it - I don't think he understands how I feel about this, and I don't know how to explain it.

We made the decision that I will go back part time, rather than full time. After daycare fees, I would have about the same net income that I would have working part time hours. Daycares, the really good ones, are expensive and have long waiting lists. And I would feel so guilty leaving her in the care of others, where she might say a new word, or take first steps without me. That would break my heart. I know that I am lucky that I will still get to be home with her during the day, but I have always been there to put her to bed. I am going to miss those bedtimes a couple of times a week and it makes me sad.

Of course Bryan will be fine - he's a great dad, and she loves her 'daddy time'.

He hasn't had to be the only caregiver all day though, and I'm hoping that he is OK on the weekend days that I have to work a 9 hour shift.

My mom and dad are not always here on the weekends if he needs a break - I hope that he doesn't get frustrated when she has a 'moment'. She does have them. We are currently engaged in a battle over the corner protector from the TV unit. It's there to protect her noggin. She doesn't understand that, and thinks it's her job to pry the corner thingy off, and either chew on it or bring it to us. When we put the guards up, we attached them with the double sided tape that came in the package. After she took the corners off a few times, the tape stopped sticking, so I tried a piece of Velcro. That didn't work either. Now we are on 3 pieces of Velcro per corner, and she can still pull them off. When we tell her "No" and take her away from the corners, she squawks and goes right back. Sometimes she pulls them off, and looks at us right away and hands the corner to us - she knows she shouldn't be doing it but she can't help it! Tonight, she had a temper tantrum every time we pulled her away, even if we tried distracting her with another toy. I am not enjoying the sobbing and the kicking. When both of us are here, she has the option of going to the parent that isn't being the meanie. If I'm not home, she won't have an option. She probably won't even notice that I'm gone. I will, and that's what I'm struggling with.

My job is being a mom. That's what I do. I hate that I have to leave my job, even for a short time, just to earn money to pay the mortgage. I really wish there was a way to work from home, so that I could be here with her all the time. But, the company I work for is still in the Dark Ages when it comes to human resource policies, so I have no choice.

(Heaven forbid Home Depot join the millennium and look into things like work-from-home, job sharing and flex time for parents. Stepping off soapbox now.)

So, to answer the question everyone has been asking for the past month or two.

I go back to work this week.