First Days...


First year at the Briar Patch preschool.

Second year at the Briar Patch preschool.

First day of kindergarten at Hardisty School.

Five years old.

It seems like yesterday that we were announcing her arrival here:

2006 birth announcement

She can ride a bike, pretends to tie her shoes, writes her name, knows her numbers and has the most fantastic imagination. She has a whole coterie of imaginary friends: Lion and Tiger and Geoffrey, Scubagirl, Nitty the horse and many others that pop up from time to time. 

(Ask her about Scubagirl's Bubble Wrap Popping Club!) 

She loves to draw and paint, she makes a mean mud pie when we are gardening, and can throw a ball like a boy. She's still a girly girl - the twirlier the skirt the better. She loves to take things apart to see how they work, and I have started to show her how to cook, including basic knife skills. I always wanted a girl that would happily wear fairy wings with her tool belt, and I've got one. 

In two very short weeks Lily starts a new adventure - kindergarten. 

I am now the mom of a school aged child. 

How on earth did that happen?

She has so much ahead of her this year. Learning to read, taking the training wheels off the bike, walking to school, really learning to tie those shoe laces, making new friends. There will be school concerts and report cards, Christmas vacation and field trips. I know she is ready for this, but I'm not sure I am.

Lily, my sweet girl:  5 years ago you came into my world and have made every day brighter, sweeter and more wonderful than the last. I am so proud to be your mom.

 I will always love you bigger than the sky, my girl. 

Bigger than the sky.

 I have so much love for you.

Three Plus One


I am thankful for what I have in this world.

I have an amazingly supportive family, a small but fiercely loyal group of friends and a wonderful husband and daughter. I have a home, and a job that I like. I have food to eat, a place to rest my head and a garden that brings me peace and solace when my heart is heavy.


What I am struggling with now, is how to reconcile that thankfulness with wanting more. I thought this would be easier. It was so easy with Lily. And today, it seems impossible. I am spending so much time reflecting on what is in my head and in my heart. I feel like I took for granted how simple this was, 6 years ago when we decided to have a family. We decided, and then it happened. Easy then, and so so hard now.

I know that things happen when they are meant to. I can't help but ask "Why?" and "When?"

I don't want to be this sad person.

The big prayer in my heart right now, is just this.

Please.