So tired. So sore.



Here was my weekend.



Friday:

Get up early. Feed Lily breakfast, put her down for morning nap so we can go to the Despot for 11am. Get Lily up. Dress Lily and load in car. Remember spinach dip to take to work. Go to Second Cup, get coffee and gift card. Go to store. Unload toddler into stroller, balance spinach dip, bread, coffee while attempting to push stroller through unploughed parking lot. Have lunch, exchange gift. Buy electrical supplies that were out of stock last time. Make arrangements to rent tile saw. Go to mall. Watch cranky Santa with well behaved preschooler and wonder what's wrong with that picture. Toddler discovers Velcro strap on shoe. Buy socks, crayons, paper, birthday cards, gift card, shirts and books. Get ice cream for now cranky toddler. Toddler does not lick ice cream cone. She scoops ice cream out of cone. Does not like cold on fingers. Toddler flicks ice cream on table, mom, stroller, her hair, and the floor. Mom throws out cone, ignoring screaming toddler. Change diaper of screaming toddler. Go to book store. Toddler decides to remove one shoe and sock. Buy wrapping paper and something else that I can't remember. Put sock and shoe back on toddler. Go to Starbucks. See 15 people in line for coffee and decide that now cold coffee from Second Cup will do - pretend it's iced. Go to Shopper's Drug Mart. Toddler removes both socks and shoes. Ignore this. Spend Optimum points on stocking stuffers. Pay. Replace socks and shoes again, wrestle toddler into coat and go home. Thank goodness she fell asleep in the car.



Saturday:

Get up early. Have breakfast, walk to parental's house to get SUV. Can't find keys. Wake up brother. Drive to Save On for groceries. Load groceries into SUV. Go to Despot. Rent tile saw. Get new guy. He's 75 and has never used a computer. Try to help. It takes 25 minutes. Load tile saw. Drive home. Unload tile saw. Husband puts tile saw in house. Can not unfold saw. Diagrams for assembly are on a sticker, and read:



Place right hand on bar G. Now unlock spring H while holding down lever J with left hand and tip unit onto front legs. Pull up on handle K, letting safety bar M rest on frame piece N. While holding left foot on wheel P, tilt entire unit back down using left hand only. Now do the hokey pokey and turn yourself about.



Let husband finish setting up saw. Start cutting tiles. Very loud - need earplugs. Cut more tiles. Need more water in pail. Water is now everywhere. Need towel. Toddler screaming - does not like sound of saw. Remember to phone brother - come get SUV. Friend comes over with other toddler. Clean up, and watch toddlers wrestle like puppies. Catch up with friend. Brother arrives - wrestles with the puppies. Give snacks to toddlers. Snacks are now everywhere. Brother leaves. Friend and toddler leave. Cut more tiles. Make supper. Toddler throws supper. No dessert for toddler. Mom and dad eat supper. Toddler wants their supper. No. Tantrum. Tough. Toddler pouts, shakes head and says nononono. Still tough. Cut more tile. Husband gives toddler a bath. Toddler screams when not allowed to drink soapy bathwater. Toddler put to bed. Cut more tile. Call my mom. Mom suggests hot tub. Remind her that I must cut tiles until they are done as saw must be back by 11; can't cut tiles in the tub. Cut more tiles. Hubby realizes we need a gift for Santa's Anonymous. Hubby goes to 24 hour Walmart to get gift, and diapers for toddler. Mix mortar. Spill mortar mix. Clean up and keep mixing. Husband returns with 2 gifts and no diapers. Lay tiles. Lay more tiles. Mark tiles, cut, and make mistake. Geometry not recommended when tired. Lay tile until no mortar and no tile spacers left. Check clock, it's 1am. Go to bed. Tell hubby to wake me early.



Sunday:



Up at 8:30, have breakfast. Get toddler up. Toddler has removed most of her pyjamas during the night. Change and redress toddler. Make large pot of coffee. Mark last tiles, start cutting. Toddler removes pyjamas entirely. Put toddler down for nap. Have hubby call brother to remind that he needs to come by. Clean tile saw. Get porcelain slivers in both hands. Clean tile saw some more. Do the hokey pokey, but it doesn't work, so have husband collapse tile saw. Brother parks in the back. Hubby waiting out front. Move SUV, load tile saw. Clean up while hubby and brother are at the Despot. Make bacon, and pancakes for brother's birthday brunch. Eat. Get toddler up. Feed her pancakes and bacon. Give brother cards, toddler promptly steals cards. Brother plays with toddler, then goes home. Toddler waves and says bye. Parents call - bringing table and chairs in 1 hour. Give toddler snack and put on Aladdin DVD. Toddler happy and quiet. Clean up from lunch. Discover one of the toddlers helped decorate the Christmas tree with a snack bowl and stuffed mouse. Remove decorations and return items to rightful place. Make more coffee. Parents arrive to inspect. Toddler plays, and demonstrates correct usage of the word no by using it in context to something grandpa said. Embellished with pout and head shaking. Grandpa laughs. Grandma and Grandpa leave. Lily waves and says bye.

End of weekend.

(If you made it this far, please send me Robaxacet and a bottle of Bailey's. I'll try not to take them at the same time.)