Wish us luck tomorrow. Bryan should find out whether or not he is back to work.

While I have enjoyed the family time, I can't wait for him to be back at work. When you are with your family pretty much 24/7 it can make you feel a little stifled. I have no space and no time to myself. I really enjoy Lily's nap time in the afternoon - it's 2 hours that I get to myself. I can read a book, take a bath, play on the computer and relax. It's been a month since I've been able to relax in any way and I miss the down time. And it's been way too cold all month, so we've been cooped up inside with a cabin feverish toddler that doesn't understand that it's too cold to go out.

My only time away has been work, and while it has not been busy at the store, it's not time to myself. I hate how much I've been away from home.

I miss my girl.

This week, she wants Daddy before Mumma and it breaks my heart every time she does it. The rational side of my brain says it means she has a strong bond with her dad, and that's a good thing. The emotional side of my brain is another matter. I know she asks for him because he's the one home during the day, and that it's not something I should take to heart but I do.

I hate that 3 or 4 nights a week I have to miss out putting her down to bed. I miss 'cuddle in chair', as she calls it.

I miss our quiet afternoons together, playing with puzzles, or going out for a coffee (steamed milk for my girl), or running errands.

If the paycheques were actually going towards something fun, then I wouldn't mind so much. But they have to pay for the groceries, utilities and soon, if EI doesn't come through, the mortgage. It worries me.

Today was not a good day. I really just want to run away, just for a moment, so I can feel ok again. I know it will get better; it has to. I'm just overwhelmed with it all.

Thanks for listening.